...o/o

Frustration for me is the accumulation and realization that I am cheap and lazy. It is this manifestation combined with the results of this lack of attention to the needs of what I am trying to do that pushes me over the edge. But that alone is not enough for me to lash out. I can usually keep my frustration under wraps. Today I tried to tele ski with old crusty gear and inadequate skills.

It all comes busting out when while dealing with my own shortcomings and the results of which start piling up. For instance watching my adventure partner climb the hill and disappear while I struggle helplessly with crappy skins on my skis that do not provide the necessary foot hold.  

I slid back one more time and struggled to go again. A couple steps later I slid all the way back to where I began.  So I used my poles and weasely arms to pull myself up the mountain.  I was cranky and started mumbling some "feeling sorry for myself" terms under my breath.  Still I looked like I was having a good time.  And under a certain layer I was.

Dealing with all this and the certain end to my upper body strength I just kept on struggling. And now I figure I will catch up … eventually.  Then the last straw … ah, the last twig … snaps.

A branch. A fucking branch that looked like a crusty old arm stuck out and grabbed at my coat. It felt like this old tree was trying to pull me back. I pulled my arm away angrily and lost my balance.  I got up busting with anger. That branch would not get away with this.

I swung my pole at it and it bounced back vibrating wildly and smacked me squarely on the shoulder. 

The gloves were off, "You Ass%$#@ F#$%!er", I shouted and pushed the branch downward trying to bust the tree's menacing dead arm. I pushed with all my might but the branch held firm. I was sure it would break. Kerwack!!! 

Looking at a beautiful sunrise and big blue skies this morning it is hard to imagine that Mo and I were snow biking in a blizzard just 13 hours ago. New excitement filled my body as I sipped my coffee and looked out over the Bridger Range. Today we are headed to the Madison Range for some tele skiing and a cabin stay. As I stood there in my window looking at the new snow on the range there was a huge rescue going on. Six people became trapped yesterday just below Sacajawea Peak. 25 search and rescue workers struggled with heavy snow, avalanche conditions, and crappy communications for like 13 hours to find them. And now as I sipped my bean juice and strained my eyes to pick out the peak I wondered if someday I would be stuck out there somewhere. Those people now trying to stay warm on this beautiful morning. Up there about 2 hours away from being rescued. They never did … I imagine ... think they would be stuck up there.

In two weeks we will be in our first snow bike race somewhere near Togwotee Pass and today was good training. We “tried” my urban loop which comprises mostly green space fitness paths. In the winter these become pretty fun snow biking opportunities.  Today dodging the poop bombs (bad dog owners) was not a problem but interestingly enough it actually snowed in Bozeman. Enough to test our resolve on these inner city trails.

Whenever we turned West the fierce wind blew snow into our faces so hard that the snow stung like hail and opening the eyes was a trick.  It was hard to see and with the snow piling up the trails started to disappear.